It's still early, and there's plenty of time for the kind of frothing, pun-spewing meltdown I know we're all hoping for, but so far, the response from the English tabloids to their team's 4-1 loss to Germany has been downright tepid. Words like "shame," "disgrace," "trampled dreams," "surrender," and "Beckham" are being tossed around, but almost apologetically, as if the writers know it's expected of them but are too depressed to give it their best try.
I mean, anyone can write a SHOCK PANIC END OF DAYS headline, but it takes something special to write a SHOCK PANIC END OF DAYS headline that really tells the story. Or that successfully spreads the information that the linesman who incorrectly ruled out Frank Lampard's goal, thus STOMPING on the PRECIOUS HOPES of ENGLISH BOYHOOD everywhere, was Uruguayan. Uruguayan! Why, in England, he'd be an immigrant! Anyway, as usual, the Sun gets off to the best start.
This is where the Sun really distances itself from the competition. The WAGs insta-reaction, combined with gratuitous Mick Jagger coverage, combined with merciless assonance, is just pulverizing to the senses and therefore pure tabloid brilliance. "Sad Wags and Jaggs" may be the most brain-destroying phrase I've read in a week. +10 MSFV points.
The Daily Star, normally the trashiest and most reliably lurid of the tabloids, doesn't fare nearly so well:
